Category: Meditation

The Unpredictability of Preparation

Seated in the Pencil Pit, my sanctuary of creativity and contemplation, I find myself reflecting on the parallels between two seemingly disparate experiences from yesterday – the continuation of Project 55 and a challenging bike ride.

Project 55, a dive into my past, has me revisiting an assignment from Mrs. Stamps, my 9th grade English teacher. Tasked in 1968 with envisioning my life 55 years in the future, I remember how my 14-year-old self struggled to project a life at age 69. Marriage seemed like a distant, foggy concept. I chose a girl from church to be my future wife, not out of affection or foresight, but more as a placeholder, a way to complete the assignment. It was an exercise in uncertainty, a young boy’s attempt to make sense of a future too far to comprehend.

Contrast this with yesterday’s bike ride – a 16-mile journey under a cold, relentless rain. I found myself woefully underprepared, lacking the right clothing for the weather. The struggle wasn’t just physical; it was a mental grappling with my own lack of foresight.

Connecting these two moments, I see a thread of unpreparedness weaving through. As a teenager, I couldn’t prepare for a future I couldn’t envision. As an adult, I sometimes find myself in situations, like the bike ride, where I’m caught off guard, underprepared for the immediate challenges.

Yet, there’s a deeper connection here, one that transcends the mere act of being unprepared. It’s about the inherent unpredictability of life. At 14, how could I have known whom I would marry, or the myriad turns my life would take? Similarly, even with experience and age, can we ever be truly prepared for all that life throws our way?

These reflections lead me to consider the nature of preparation itself. Maybe it’s not always about having all the answers or the right gear. Perhaps it’s more about the ability to adapt, to make the best of what we have in the moment. In Project 55, my young self did just that – I adapted to the task with the limited understanding I had. And on the bike ride, despite being cold and wet, I adapted and persevered through the miles.

As I write this, pencil in hand, in the early light of the barn, I realize that life is a constant balancing act between preparation and adaptation. We plan, we foresee, but often we find ourselves in situations that our preparations didn’t account for. It’s in these moments that our resilience is tested, and our ability to adapt becomes our greatest asset.

So, as I ponder the connection between a school assignment from decades ago and a rainy bike ride, I’m reminded that being unprepared isn’t always a failure; sometimes, it’s just a part of the human experience. And perhaps, in recognizing this, we find a way to be better prepared for the unpredictable journey of life.

Project 55 and the Improbable Touchdown

As I sit in the Pencil Pit, my barn-turned-writing room, the morning light filters through, casting a warm glow over my thoughts. My mind is a blend of past and present, memories and recent experiences weaving together in a curious tapestry.

Yesterday, I embarked on “Project 55” during my Morning Pages routine. It’s a journey back to 1968 when Mrs. Stamps, my 9th-grade English teacher, set us a unique assignment: to describe our Thanksgiving Day 55 years in the future. That future is now, Thanksgiving 2023. As I scribbled down my thoughts, pencil in hand, I couldn’t help but marvel at how time has flown and how the vivid imagination of a 14-year-old now contrasts with the reality of a 69-year-old man’s life.

Later in the day, a different kind of marvel unfolded – the Alabama-Auburn game. The climax of the match was nothing short of what some would call a miracle. Alabama, trailing 20-24, faced a seemingly impossible fourth and goal at the 31-yard line. Yet, in an extraordinary turn of events, quarterback Jalen Milroe connected with Isaiah Bond for a touchdown. It was a moment that defied the odds, a testament to the unpredictability and thrill of sports.

Reflecting on these two disparate moments, I find a peculiar connection. Project 55, spanning over half a century, was an exercise in forecasting the future, in predicting the unpredictable. Similarly, the game’s final play was about defying the odds, about something highly improbable becoming reality. Both instances, in their essence, are about the unforeseen twists of life.

Yet, the touchdown, as miraculous as it seemed, was also a reminder of the natural order of things. In the countless games of football played, moments like these are bound to occur. They are statistical probabilities in the grand scheme of things. This realization grounds the ‘miracle’ in reality, in the realm of possibility where the natural world operates. It’s a reminder that even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, there’s always a chance, however slim, for a different outcome.

Project 55 and the touchdown – both are about the passage of time, the dance of chance and probability, and the human penchant for looking ahead, for imagining and striving. As I write in the Pencil Pit, surrounded by the echoes of my past and the presence of my present, I am reminded of the beauty and uncertainty of life. It’s a journey of expectations and surprises, of predictions and outcomes that sometimes align and often don’t.

In these early hours, I ponder over the intersecting lines of time and chance, of memories and present moments, all converging in the quiet of my writing haven. Life, much like football, is unpredictable, and yet, within its unpredictability lies its most profound beauty and excitement.

Dreams, Memories, and the Resilience of Nature

In the stillness of the Pencil Pit, my sanctuary nestled within the barn, I find myself reflecting on the curious blend of dreams and realities that have filled my recent nights and days. The quiet here is a stark contrast to the vibrant, sometimes puzzling narratives that my mind weaves in sleep, and the tangible, earthy tasks of the waking hours.

Last night, the world of dreams took an unexpected turn. I found myself wandering the aisles of Walmart, a mundane setting transformed by the appearance of an old friend who passed away from Covid. There he was, as real as the memories we shared, yet distant, a part of a world I could no longer reach. I awoke before I could ask him about his experience, left only with the echo of his presence and a lingering sense of unfinished conversation. It’s curious how dreams can resurrect the past, blurring the lines between what was and what could have been.

This encounter with a ghost of sorts was in stark contrast to yesterday’s activities. Jon and I tackled the old pine tree that had been lying in the backyard for months. It was the same one that fell mid-summer across our gravel road, which we had to pull with the tractor for half a mile. Cutting it up, piece by piece, felt like dismantling a monument to nature’s unexpected turns. Each slice of the chainsaw through the wood was a reminder of the resilience and impermanence of life.

The day’s work didn’t end there. With our trusty 1975 John Deere tractor, Jon and I reclaimed a 16-foot hog panel, once entangled in vines, from the woods. This panel–with a 4×4 attached lengthwise–which we used to drag behind the disc harrow for garden prep in spring, was a relic of past labors and seasons. Wrestling it from the grasp of nature, which had claimed it as its own, was a testament to the ongoing dance between human endeavor and the wildness of the land.

In these morning hours, as I write, the threads of dreams and the day’s work intertwine. They speak of loss and recovery, of the past re-emerging in unexpected ways, and of the relentless cycle of nature and time. The fallen tree, the reclaimed hog panel, and the dream of my departed friend – each tells a story of change, resilience, and the enduring connections that shape our lives.

Here, in the Pencil Pit, surrounded by the tools of my craft and the quiet of the early day, I find a space to ponder these experiences. It’s a place where dreams can be unraveled, and the day’s work can be understood as part of a larger, ever-unfolding story. As the light filters through the barn windows, casting shadows that dance across the floor, I’m reminded that our lives are a tapestry of the tangible and the ethereal, the physical and the remembered, each strand woven by the hands of time.

I sat in the Pencil Pit, staring at the blank page. The early morning light filtered in through the barn window, illuminating specks of dust floating gently in the air. It was quiet except for the scratching of chickens outside.

Writer’s block had firmly planted itself between me and the page again. I knew I needed to write my regular Morning Mental Meanderings blog post, but no words came. I reread the quote by Charles Bukowski that I had scribbled down last night – “writing about a writer’s block is better than not writing at all.”

With a sigh, I picked up my favorite #2 pencil and began:

I gazed at the empty page, willing words to flow but finding none. Bukowski’s advice rattled around in my head…maybe writing about the block itself would help dislodge it. My mind felt stuffed with cotton, mute and tangled. I longed for the relief that came with a free flowing stretch of typing on my old typewriter, when the words tumble out almost faster than my arthritic fingers can catch them.

But for now, there was only the oppressive blankness glaring back at me. The vast whiteness seemed to mock me. You call yourself a writer? After decades as a small town lawyer, you thought retirement would make you an author overnight? What a joke. I shook my graying head and shifted in the creaky wooden chair. The morning sunlight felt harsh now instead of comforting. The chickens’ cackling sounded more smug by the minute.

With a deep breath, I lowered my eyes to the hateful blank page again. Bukowski was right – just acknowledging the block was better than ignoring it and giving up completely. The words would come again, eventually. I just had to sit with the discomfort and not lose hope.

Dipping my #2 pencil once more, I began drafting a description of the fickle muse’s abandonment. Might as well make use of the empty time by writing ABOUT not writing…

Confined Spaces – From Gaza to Knox’s Ordeal

In the quiet sanctuary of the Pencil Pit this morning, warmed by a new heater, my mind wanders back to the contrasting experiences of confinement that I encountered yesterday. The solitude of this barn, my chosen place of reflection, starkly contrasts with the stories of enforced and tragic confinements I absorbed.

An article I read yesterday from The New York Times about the crisis in Gaza lingered in my thoughts. Children like Khaled Joudeh, trapped not only in the physical rubble of a war-torn region but also in a situation far beyond their control or understanding. The image of Khaled, grieving beside his family, encapsulates a confinement of the most harrowing kind – trapped in a cycle of violence and loss, a life dictated by forces outside one’s control.

As I drove to Lowe’s yesterday, the narrative of confinement continued, this time through the podcast recounting Amanda Knox’s ordeal. Her story – one of wrongful accusation and years spent in an Italian jail – is a different kind of confinement. It’s a mental and physical imprisonment, compounded by the weight of injustice and misunderstanding. Knox’s voice, recounting her experiences, was a stark reminder of how freedom, something we often take for granted, can be so fragile.

These stories of confinement, both physical and metaphorical, make me reflect on the nature of freedom. In my barn, the Pencil Pit, I find a liberating solitude, a space where my thoughts and words are free to roam. This freedom, however, is a privilege, one that many, like the children in Gaza or Knox in her cell, are brutally denied.

It leads me to ponder the resilience of the human spirit in the face of such trials. There’s a certain strength, an indomitable will, that both Khaled and Knox exhibit – a refusal to be completely subdued by their circumstances. Yet, the unfairness of their situations, the pain of being confined and constrained by external forces, is deeply troubling.

As I sit here, my thoughts are a mix of gratitude for my own freedom and a deep empathy for those who are unjustly confined. These reflections are not just idle musings; they are a call to awareness and action. They remind me that while some of us have the luxury to build our sanctuaries, others are fighting battles for their basic freedoms.

Today’s mental meandering is a somber journey through the extremes of human experience. It is a recognition of the spaces we occupy – some chosen, some imposed – and the profound impact they have on our lives. In the Pencil Pit, surrounded by the early morning tranquility, I’m reminded that every word I write, every thought I explore, is a testament to the freedom that I have, and a tribute to those who are unjustly deprived of theirs.