Write to Life blog

God and Girl is my first novel, written in 2015. I'll post it, a chapter a day, over the next few weeks.

After several weeks of prodding and pushing from Dad, I finally agreed to meet with a counselor.  I didn’t want to, but I was tired of Dad’s insistence at every turn.

I just walked out of Dr. Mathison’s office.  Mom was waiting for me in the reception area.  I told her, I just mouthed the words to her, that I would never come back here.

On our long drive home, Mom didn’t say or ask anything about my counseling session.  And, I didn’t offer anything other than to say that “Dr. Mathison is a complete jerk.  He is a know-it-all and makes you feel like you are an idiot and a lost Christian.  He is a talking head, mouthing Dad’s archaic language.”

Dr. Mathison is supposed to be a psychologist and Christian counselor, top in his field.  Looking at his ego wall in his office before he came in, I noticed that he had degrees from Yale, Duke, and Regent Universities.  He obtained his doctorate from Regent.

He had been evasive in his responses to my questions—of course I knew he was the one who would ask most of the questions. In frustration, I had finally told him that I believed in evolution, most of the Bible, and that if I had to bet, that homosexuality is genetic.  He questioned why I felt this way and his response was basically that you cannot believe everything you read, and that science and religion were in many respects in conflict and that science and the science community was losing its way because of the many atheistic scientists.  He said all science comes from the Bible.  His prescription for me was to keep a journal of my feelings and actions related to my homosexuality, and to spend time daily reading and studying the Bible and praying.

We stopped just outside Birmingham and ate dinner.  It was nearly 7:00 when we arrived home.  Dad was waiting on us in the den, obviously wanting to chat.  I went straight to my room.  I so wanted to be with Ellen, but tomorrow is a school day, so I’ll have to be satisfied with talking to her on the phone.

I turned on Pandora and my Adele station, and lay across my bed.  My thoughts were popping in and out of my head totally at random.  I got up and sat at my desk and took out my notepad.

Degrees, degrees,

all over his wall.

Yale, Duke, Regent,

He went, he studied, he earned degrees and more degrees.

All the reading,

All the writing,

All the lectures,

All the cramming,

All the testing,

All the experience,

Degrees, degrees.

All he could do to help me,

(do I need help?)

Read and study the Bible.

And pray.”

Okay, I hold my Bible.

Let’s read Genesis.

There’s Adam and Eve,

Just came out of nowhere,

Oh sorry, God created them,

Did he also create Lucy?

Did he create the Neanderthals?

Did he create Naledi?

If Genesis has it wrong,

what about the Gospels?

Seems Dad and Dr. M and 

Millions of other Bible literalists

Find all my questions irrelevant, Damning heresy.

No wonder I need counseling.

The world, at least most of my world,

is deaf, dumb, and blind,

But I probably am too,

In one or more, maybe many, ways,

But, at least I am committed to the truth,

Finding the truth,

Not burying my head in the sand,

And buying a story or stories,

That seem to be collapsing.

But Dad and his ilk

Will believe the Bible 

No matter if Jesus was found,

Dead.

Of course, to them, it wouldn’t be Jesus,

Not their Jesus, or He would just be sleeping.

Evidence is Satan’s production,

Faith isn’t natural,

It’s supernatural,

And therefore, cannot be tested by science.

Always, the Creationist’s best argument.

Is it wrong to ask questions?

No, it is the only way to learn.

God, if you are there, here, everywhere,

Why not speak to me?

Why not show yourself to me?

at least in a cloud, in the rain,

In a storm, in a rainbow.

Oh yes, I can hear it now,

‘God is speaking to you, but you cannot hear,

You are letting your sinful lifestyle deafen you.’

And the Bible says,

‘Faith is the substance of things hoped for,

the evidence of things not seen.’ 

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

You are making yourself known, really known,

was limited to Bible story days.

I was just about to call Ellen when my cell vibrated.  I didn’t recognize the number but answered anyway.  It was Erin from our youth group.  

“Ruthie, this is Erin Chandler.  I’m in your youth group at church.”

“Erin, I think I know who you are.  What’s up?”  I said.

“I really need someone to talk to and didn’t know who to call.  I don’t want to talk to my parents right now.  I thought of you.” Erin said.

“I can talk with you if you want. When?” I said.

“How about tomorrow after school?  We could meet at the gym and sit up in the bleachers away from everybody.  Okay?”  Erin said.

“How about at 3:00 tomorrow?  I’ll be waiting just inside the front door at the high school gym.”  I said.

“Sounds good.  Thanks, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  Erin said and hung up.

I was puzzled.  What would Erin need to talk about, and why me?  Erin is in the sixth grade, a quiet, polite young lady.  She has never given any signs that she is a trouble-maker.  As far as I know, she comes from a good family and home.  Her parents are very active in church, our church.  

I finally lay down and went to sleep.  The next day was normal.  We had a substitute teacher in History and watched a movie about some war between Turkey and Spain back in the 15th century.  Ellen and I sat in the back of the room and exchanged notes.  It’s great to be able to draft romance poems out of thin air, short though they be. One of the ones I gave Ellen I had borrowed from Tyler Gregson, a haiku,

‘You will never feel.

Not for a single moment.

That I don’t love you.’

Ellen loved it. But one of hers to me was even better, because she wrote it. It was a spin off Gregson’s, even though she kind of botched the 5, 7, 5 syllable requirements:

“You will always feel.

In every single moment

now and always

That I love you.”

The movie ended, and the bell rang, too soon, much too soon, for both.

Could there be any possible way that I could have a better life and world than the one I have with my wonderful, adorable Ellen?  ‘If loving you is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.’ I seem to remember Mr. Ingram’s song was about a married man falling in love with a single lady. But, that’s not important to my thought, other than I sure am glad I’m not married to someone else.  Ha.  

Erin was waiting on me when I walked in the gym.  We walked inside and up, way up, into the bleachers and sat down.

“Thanks for meeting me.  I have a problem.  I told Jimmy I would go with him to the school dance next Friday night, but I don’t really like him, and I told him I would go because I believed no one else would ask me.  But, Stan asked me yesterday afternoon right after school.  I told him I would go.  I haven’t told Jimmy yet.  I feel so bad about lying to him.  I feel like I have let God down and that I have ruined my witness here at school. What should I do?” Erin said.

And, here I was thinking Erin had gotten herself pregnant.  I guess a sixth grader can get pregnant.  And, that she was wanting an abortion and wanted me to go with her and not tell her mom, and even for me to pay for it.  Or, something bad like that.  But, her problem seems so simple, given my life.  She is revealing herself to be a wonderful Christian.  Dad would be very proud of her.

“Have you thought of just going to Jimmy and telling him the truth?  Maybe say something like, ‘Jimmy, thanks for asking me to the dance, but I have decided to go with Stan.  I’m sorry I told you I would go but I have changed my mind. Maybe next time.’” I said.

“I know that is what I should do but it seems so hard to be truthful sometimes, but I do want to do the right thing.”  Erin said.

“I suggest you go talk to Jimmy as soon as you can.  You will say the right words and you will get through this.”

“Okay Ruthie.  I really do appreciate you meeting me and giving me good advice.”  Erin said, standing up and shaking my hand. “I’ll go try to find Jimmy.”  

As Erin walked down the stairs, I said, “Erin, be sure and pray.”

When she turned and gave me a thumb up, I sat back down. I almost fell over.  Now, I was a counselor?  And now, I was advising folks to pray?  Maybe, I should have advised her to keep her first promise to Jimmy and tell Stan the truth.  Maybe, I should have told her that she should tell both Jimmy and Stan the truth and not go with either of them, not go to the dance at all, that she should leave boys along, that she would just wind up hurt or worse, believing she was pregnant or even worse, pregnant.  It seems the more I thought about it, the more I realized that even a so-called simple little situation like Erin’s isn’t so simple.  The truth is kind of hard to find.  Maybe we must discover our own truth the very best we can.

Erin was sincere in her desire to do the right thing. Had I gotten to the point I was missing points, relevant points.  All my life until Ellen, I was like Erin, thinking God and the Bible were truth, and that prayer was real and valuable.  Maybe the words from my mouth, advising Erin to pray, were an attempt by my inner but jailed thoughts and truths to make a valiant effort to escape to the light and make themselves known-real and valuable.

This time with Erin had clearly revealed to me that I was a long way from finding truth, the real thing, or even discovering my version of the truth, if it was different.  One thing I knew, this journey I was on wasn’t going to be easy.  Yet, I was determined I had no choice, whether we engage in life or simply crawl in a cave, we are pursuing truth in our own individual way.

God and Girl is my first novel, written in 2015. I'll post it, a chapter a day, over the next few weeks.

It was late Saturday night. I had just gotten back from Ryan’s where our gang did its usual thing. I had asked Ellen if her Mom would mind dropping me off when she came to pick her up.  Mom and Dad were in the den, in the dark almost, with only the light from our big screen TV.  I said hello and asked were they having a romantic evening alone.  Mom semi-nodded her head.  

“If you want to call watching a debate about science and religion romance, then I guess we are.”  Mom said.

“We are watching a rerun of the debate a few weeks ago between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, held at Mr. Ham’s creation museum in Kentucky.  Mr. Nye is known as ‘the science guy.’  We found it on YouTube and for some reason your Mom acted interested and encouraged us to watch it.” Dad said.

“You can join us if you like.”  Mom said.

“Maybe for just a little while.” I said.

“The moderator had just asked Mr. Ham how old the earth is and where did we come from, when you walked in.”  Dad said.  “Let’s listen.”

Mr. Ham’s answer and explanation was rather short.  He said that “we can tell from Scriptures that the earth is around 6,000 years old.  From analyzing and comparing various chronologies, and by examining the fossil record as laid down by Noah’s Flood we reach this conclusion.  And, just as it says in Genesis, over a six-day period, six days just like our days that is, God created all life.  He created the first man, Adam, from the dust of the earth.  He created the first woman, Eve, from one of Adam’s ribs.  God spoke, and it was done.  All life was created.  God created the fish, the birds, reptiles, mammals, and humankind as their own kind, their own separate species, fully complete.  And no life has ever become a new species.  Life came from God and not evolution as Mr. Nye will argue.”

The moderator then asked Mr. Nye the same question. “The earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old.  This date is confirmed by all the well-established science fields: Geology, Physics, Chemistry, and Biology.  The universe started with the Big Bang.  Scientists are still investigating this and what caused it.  A recent discovery shows that life started shortly after the big bang occurred—just a few million years afterwards.  Unlike the story in Genesis, life started much more slowly, and much simpler.  Life started with a simple, single-celled organism and continued, again over millions of years, into a multi-celled organism, and on and on.  Science shows that all life, all living things, and all life that has died, gone extinct, has evolved from a common ancestor.  And whether we like it or not, we share a common ancestor with chimps and apes.  The fossil record establishes this.”

Dad paused the video. “And now schools can no longer teach creationism but have to teach evolution.  A theory that clearly destroys Genesis and what we believe.”  Dad said.

“It seems there is a sound scientific theory for evolution. And, that is why it is now being taught in science class.  Evolution seems to refute the creation story from Genesis.”  I said.

“I don’t care what evolutionists say, God created the world and man and all living things.  We didn’t evolve from apes.  There is no other way to explain Adam and Eve.  The Bible is clear.  It says nothing at all to indicate that Adam and Eve were anything but human, just like us.”  Dad said.

“Honey, I know this is all rather troubling.  It seems science is attacking religion, our Christianity.  At a minimum, it seems science is forcing religion to do its own research to determine how science and religion co-exist without destroying Adam and Eve and the creation story.”  Mom said looking at Dad.

“Story, is that all Genesis is?  Are you now like Ruthie, denying whether it is true, denying whether God created the universe, the earth, animals, plants and especially us?  I can’t believe I have had so little influence on my family.”  Dad said.

“Dad, could it be that we are misreading Genesis.  Maybe Adam and Eve were not the first humans, or human-like beings.  What if Adam and Eve are metaphorical, and that God gave them a soul, and they represent the first beings that shared God’s image, and that all the earlier humans and human-like beings were just part of the evolutionary process that took place.  Kind of like God started life off after the Big Bang, with Him causing the bang, and the Genesis days of creation are very, very long days?  Maybe we are just failing to properly interpret Genesis and the beginning of life.”  I said.

“The problem, and there are many, is that Genesis is clear that God created a perfect place, the Garden of Eden, and there was no death until Adam and Eve sinned.  No animals died, no life of any kind died before the Fall.  Without sin, as described in Genesis, we don’t have Original Sin, and without Original Sin, all mankind since Adam and Eve are not sinners in need of a savior.  Christ came to save all mankind from sin, from Original Sin, the sin they inherited from Adam and Eve.  And, if there was no sin imputed to all mankind, then there is no reason for Christ to have come and died the horrible death on Calvary’s Cross.  In short, Christianity falls without Adam and Eve. From what I know of evolution, which truly isn’t a whole lot, it appears there’s not much room for Christianity and God and Christ.  Evolution argues there is no God, no Christian God.”  Dad said.

“I agree, on its face, it appears evolution doesn’t need God, but I still want to believe there is much, much more we do not know—about both God and the Bible, and evolution.”  I said.

“So, the Bible could be wrong, is that what you are saying?”  Dad said.

“Well maybe, for sure it may mean we are misinterpreting the Bible.  But, maybe we are wrong to believe that the Bible is totally without error.”  I said.

“The next thing I expect you to say is that the Bible gets it wrong about Christian marriage, a marriage exclusively between one man and one woman.  Then, you or someone, will start arguing that homosexuality is not sin and that two men, or two women, have just as much right to marry as one man and one woman.”  Dad said.

“Maybe, I just don’t know anymore.  One of my teachers recently said that we need to always keep in mind that ‘we know so very little.’  Maybe the church, the Christian church, doesn’t know as much as it thinks it does.”  I said.

I could tell Dad was visibly upset. He had stood up and was pacing across the den.  

“I never dreamed I would hear my own daughter, my own Ruthie, say such a thing.  Do you hear what you are saying?  You are letting the camel into the tent.  Don’t you know that once we admit that the Bible contains some errors, even one error, we are sliding down the slope to the abyss—a place of suffering and a place of no return, a place of destruction.  This is just what the gays want.  Such an argument defeats everything I am trying to protect.  Religious freedom will change forever.  There will be no differences between gays and Christians. We will all be just one happy family.”  Dad said.

“How do you know what the gays want?  Maybe they just want to be treated with respect, the respect of being human, the respect acknowledged in our Declaration of Independence when it says all men have inalienable rights. Have you ever sat down with a gay person or a gay couple, privately, and simply talked with them as fellow human beings?”  I said feeling like I was getting a little too bold and that I might soon get kicked in the teeth, at least figuratively.

“Ruthie,” Dad said with the loudest tone I can ever remember. “Have your stripes changed, are you now in bed with the homosexuals.  I expect now you will argue that homosexuality is not a sin, that the Bible is wrong when it says that homosexuality is a sin, and that gays are just born that way.”  Dad said.

“Dad again, I don’t know.  We have learned in Biology class that that is a real possibility.  Dr. Ayers was asked that question a week or so ago.  She didn’t at all bring it up.  But, she tried to answer Danny when he asked.  Dr. Ayers said that there are several research projects across the world working on various hypotheses related to what she referred to as the ‘gay gene.’ She said that the scientific community is nowhere near arriving at a theory homosexuality is determined at birth by certain genes, or the non-functioning of certain genes, but she says there is some positive findings being made.  So, Dad, again, maybe we truly know so very little.” I said.

“Honey, don’t you think it is time we have a talk about what is going on with you?”  Mom said.

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.  Was Mom turning on me?

“What do you mean?” Dad said.

“Honey.”  Mom said.

I wasn’t quite ready to be kicked in the teeth, but I was more than a little upset, maybe mad, at my Dad for his tone and his arrogance.  I said, to myself, and to a surprised self, oh, what the hell.  “Dad, if being in love with Ellen means I am a homosexual then I am a homosexual.”

Dad stopped his pacing, just froze, as though he had been shot in the head and in the heart.  It seemed his whole body became stiff like a rock-lifeless, ugly. “What in the hell are you saying?” Dad said.

I had never, ever, heard Dad talk like this.  I was dumbfounded to say the least.  “You heard me.  I am in love with Ellen Ayers.  I have been in love with her almost from the time I met her.  And, I am the happiest I have ever been.”  I said.

“How long have you known about this?” Dad asked Mom.

“For several weeks now.  Ellen told me, and I told her I would keep it between us until I felt it was time for you to know.”  Mom said.

“Well, thanks for trusting me, for believing enough in me to give me the truth.”  Dad said.

“Honey, I’m sorry if I have hurt you but I did what I felt the Lord was telling me to do.” Mom said.

“The Lord?  Now, you use God as though he is a broom or a mop, just a tool for a certain job?  What do you believe? I thought we had just thrown God straight into Hell, just flat out rejected Him.” Dad said.

“We are letting our emotions take over here.  Honey, when Ruthie first told me that she might be homosexual I someway felt I had real and true wisdom come upon me.  I felt that I should support her as a mom is supposed to support her children.  I didn’t tell her that, ‘oh, alright Ruthie, that is just wonderful, go have a happy life.’  I told her that sometimes life is hard and that we must find out on our own what is right for us.  I told her that I suspected that it wouldn’t do a bit of good if I locked her in a cage for the next five years.  From my own growing up years I knew that teenagers especially, have a mind of their own, an undeveloped mind no doubt, but they didn’t respond so positively to preaching and demands, imprisonment and the like.  The most important thing to me was to show Ruthie that I love her and that I will always love her.”  Mom said.

I looked at Dad and he had softened somewhat, he was no longer stiff and hard-looking as a rock.  He was standing in front of the TV with his eyes closed.  Like he was praying.  I kept on looking at him and I became convinced he was praying.  In a while, he opened his eyes.  I could see my real Dad, a man with soft and gentle eyes.  He reached out his hands and arms to me and said, “come here baby.”

I burst up and over to Dad.  He held me in his arms for, forever. Finally, he said, “Like your mom, I love you, and that will never change.  But, unlike her, I won’t be so passive about your relationship with Ellen.  I promise I will not lock you up, but I intend to come up with a way for you to learn more.  You seemed to think ‘we know so little,’ well then, we need to learn.  All I ask is that you be willing to talk with me, learn with me, maybe even go to a good Christian counselor.  Okay?” Dad said.

“Dad, all I want is the truth.  But, even if I have the truth and it says that homosexuality is not caused by a gene, but is really a sin, I do not promise at all that I will leave Ellen.  Like I said, I love her.  And, she loves me.”

“Honey, it is getting late.  I suggest we all give this a rest for now.” Mom said, and Dad agreed.

God and Girl is my first novel, written in 2015. I'll post it, a chapter a day, over the next few weeks.

It was the weekend of my fifteenth birthday.  Ellen’s parents had rented a cabin at DeSoto State Park.  The week before their trip, Ellen and I had spent our usual Friday night together discussing doing something special for my birthday.  I can’t truly remember but some way, including Google, we came up with the idea of going with Ellen’s parents.  But, we certainly didn’t want to stay with them.  After more searching we found Mentone.  The town’s website informed us that Mentone is a “welcoming mountain village nestled atop the west brow of Lookout Mountain. Natural beauty abounds, from scenic mountain-top views to the mists of a 104-ft. waterfall.”  It was only a few miles from DeSoto State Park, so it seemed like the logical answer to our quest. We thought about camping out at a little primitive campground right outside Mentone but we both agreed tent construction was much more challenging than poetry construction, and when it comes to nighttime, we both preferred a soft and cozy bed. Ultimately, we decided to stay at the Mountain Laurel Inn, a bed and breakfast right in the heart of Mentone. 

Ellen’s parents agreed.

We left school Friday morning around 11:00, totally psyched about a long weekend, out-of-town, and all to ourselves, our first trip together.  Ellen’s parents dropped us off around 1:30, along with our bikes and luggage, and an envelope with two pages of rules, regulations, and reminders, with the bottom of page two signed by Becky Brown and Emily Ayers. 

After we registered at the front desk and checked out our room, we decided on a walk.  It was before 2:00 and our stomachs were reminding us that we had skipped lunch and avoided Mr. Ayers’ special trail mix he kept trying to push on us as we sat in the back seat.  We kept refreshing his memory that we were staying at a bed and breakfast and that we lucked out with a special weekend package that also included Friday and Saturday night dinners.  But, now we were on our own and needing something to tide us over until tonight.

As we were about to walk out the front door of the Inn we saw a table with a bunch of brochures.  One caught my eyes, as it did Ellen’s.  On the front of a folded brochure was a pencil drawing of flowers out in a field backing up to a simple little cabin.  At the bottom were the words “Wildflower Cafe.” According to the map hand-drawn on the back fold, the Cafe was just across the street and around the corner.

We walked over and were not disappointed.  It was a very rustic place with hardwood floors, old tin ceilings and dividers between the booths, and antique-looking ceiling fans.  The tables were a unique assortment of shapes, but all made by cutting a slice from a big oak tree followed by much sanding and much more varnishing.  Ellen ordered the raspberry vinaigrette salad and Peanut Butter pie, which she shared. I opted for a chicken salad plate with grapes & slivered almonds, on a salad ring with tomatoes and parmesan cheese served with crackers.

While we were eating, a young man, I figured to be in his mid to late 20’s, came by and asked if everything was okay.  He thanked us for coming and asked would we be in town tonight.  We told him we would.  He invited us to hang-out and listen to music over in the big side-yard of the Mountain Laurel Inn.  We told him that’s where we were staying and understood that our dinner tonight was served outside.  He told us that his mother, Selena Bradford, owns the Inn.  We told him that we would see him tonight.

We finished our lunch and returned to our room for a nap.  We wanted to be well-rested for tonight.

We woke up around 7:00 and quickly changed into our new American Eagle Outfitters jeans and soft and sexy lace tanks, and matching pink Under Armor hoodies.

We walked out onto the side yard and saw Chaz on a make-shift stage.  He announced the names of about ten young musicians who would be entertaining us for a couple of hours.  They were each a solo artist just trying to find a path to the big time.  For most of them, I suspected this might be their first and last chance to woo the world.

We ambled over to three-fold-up tables with hamburgers and hot-dogs.  We chose a dog and added everything we could find, just like at Dairy Queen: ketchup, mustard, onions, kraut, and relish.  Mrs. Bradford saw us and came over encouraging us to try her sweet-potato pie.  Yuck was our hidden look at each other but we graciously obeyed.

We found two chairs by the fire and picked at our food.  Neither of us were hungry.  But, we both did like the pie.  And, we both enjoyed holding hands and just enjoying the silent music between us that flamed and crackled along with the fire.

After the ten young musicians were finished, thank you Chaz, he and his group took the stage.  This afternoon had he mentioned he would be playing guitar and singing?  His group was The Mountain Men. 

They were very good.

Chaz said that no outdoor gathering with music is right without dancing.  A few folks volunteered and shook a rug (Dad’s saying) to a couple of fast music songs. 

Ellen asked me to dance.  I was a little reserved since we had never danced in public.  Ellen can be powerfully persuasive.  She finally pulled me onto the dance floor when the Men began playing and singing ‘Country is my Rock’ by Trent Tomlinson (according to the real mountain man dancing beside us with Bud in one hand and Elle Mae in the other). Dancing there on the grass, Ellen showed me she could swing and dip and bump right up there with the winners of Dancing with the Stars, at least the Mentone version. I did loosen up a little and enjoyed a little butt bumping with the hot Ellen.  Our stars burst out and joined hands when the group played and sang Amazed by Lonestar.

Every time our eyes meet

This feeling inside me

Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me

I can feel how much you love me

And it just blows me away

I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts

I can see your dreams

I don’t know how you do what you do

I’m so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby I’m amazed by you

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby you surround me

You touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time every time

I wanna spend the whole night in your arms

I don’t know how you do what you do

I’m so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby I’m amazed by you

Every little thing that you do

I’m so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Oh yeah, every little thing that you do

Baby I’m amazed by you.”

During the song, Ellen, holding me in her arms, looked at me and said that she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me.  I smiled, looked in her baby blues, and lay my head on her shoulder.  We rocked slowly until the song ended.

After our dancing, we headed back in, wanting to get some rest for our big day tomorrow.  But, we did get detoured by the side porch swing.  For the next hour we sat close, held hands, and talked, mostly silly stuff, about ‘the smell of your skin, and the taste of your kiss.’  Of course, silly can smell and taste so good.

We finally made it to our room a little after midnight, slung off our jeans, tanks, and hoodies and cuddled up in the middle of a feather bed.  We sang and kissed and kissed and sang as songs softly and sweetly poured from YouTube and Pandora.  We lost all track of time but finally fell hard into deep sleep long after we intended.

We woke up early, surprisingly, since we hadn’t gone to sleep until 2:30 (according to Ellen’s time-awareness skills), less than five hours ago. It was not quite 7:00 a.m.  We both thought long and hard about going back to sleep, but we wanted to spend the weekend awake, talking, walking, touching.  We could sleep back home. And, we had spent a lot of time planning almost every hour of this trip.

Our plan for Saturday was to have breakfast here at the Inn, since it was already included in our room charges.  We would then hang out around town milling around the big craft show that was taking place.  We would ride our bikes to DeSoto Falls in the early afternoon.  Then, we would return in time to shower and enjoy a fancy meal here at the Inn. 

We ate a southern breakfast that most northerners would enjoy.  One kind of like Mom makes when Dad is going to be home all-day Saturday and has planned one of his family work days.  Biscuits with maple or sorghum syrup, six types of jelly, gravy–the gray kind and the clear kind (yuck)–eggs anyway you want them except raw, cheesy grits, fried potatoes, smoked ham, sausage patties, thick-sliced bacon, all types of fruit, and about a half-dozen other things I couldn’t name.  Ellen and I both love breakfast. We each made a dozen pictures of each other, proving we ate with our mouths full and without napkins, since her mouth and chin hosted bright orange marmalade, and mine sorghum syrup.

After breakfast, we walked our bikes and backpacks over to Mentone Antiques and Unique Furnishings, just right across the street from the Inn.  We spent an hour or so looking around this large, two story museum that carried a wide assortment of furniture, books, trinkets, and other do-dads.  We spent most of our time perusing the book tables with Ellen finding a well-cared for copy of Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass.”  Before we left the store, we were upstairs looking in a series of display or curio cabinets when Ellen spotted two four-inch tall bone-carved figures laying side by side in a pretty box.  

They looked like angels with their features rather basic, rudimentary-carved in white, what I believed was real bone, very mysterious, almost with a small nub on each side of their shoulders, where their wings either were at one time, or were now developing for the first time.  We took them out of the cabinet and looked at them more closely.  Ellen was holding one and I was holding the other, each holding them up to the light that was filtering in from a tall window, to the east (I had been concentrating for weeks on learning my directions from the sun).  Almost, at the same time, we both spoke out loud.  She said “Always,” and I said “Forever.”  We had both noticed, carved across their backs, up towards their shoulders, these words.  That was it, we had to buy them.  We had, almost since we first met, developed and shared a language all our own.  We had discovered there were words and phrases that described our love and our relationship, words that others obviously knew, but held no special meaning. In poems, letters, texts, spoken words, and I suppose at some time, smoke signals, we had described our love and romance as a relationship that would be “Always,” that it would be “Forever,” and when we felt especially expressive, we would write or speak that “Always and Forever, I will love you.”

We put Always and Forever, our little angels, our special angels, back in their box, which was a treasure: sturdy, stained a bright mahogany, with a small latch and clasp for securing the lid.  We paid for Ellen’s poetry book and our figurines, a perfect purchase, a fateful discovery or a faithful one we didn’t yet know.

We spent the rest of the morning walking around looking at a million crafts.  Trades-people from all over—I even saw one sign that said, ‘All the way from Heaven—Dubois, Wyoming.’  It was kind of neat walking around a town where we didn’t know anyone, among mostly older folks, holding hands and smiling back at the many staring eyes.  We felt bold and beautiful, like our time together was crafting us, our relationship, into a thing of mystery and destiny.

We both grew tired of the crowd around 11:30. It was time to be alone out in nature, with whoever or whatever had painted today’s world atop Sand Mountain and Mentone. She sure knew what she was doing.  It was gorgeous and the weather cool but not anything like cold.  Fall is so beautiful and my favorite time of the year.  We walked back to the antique store for our bikes. I stuffed the mahogany box inside my backpack.  Ellen secured her book, and off we went, map readily available in Ellen’s right hand.

We had planned on riding to DeSoto Falls.  But, when we turned left onto DeSoto Falls Road, we noticed a car parked up next to the trees and woods to our right.  We also saw a trail headed into the woods.  I said, “let’s be adventurous and ditch our plan for now.”  Ellen agreed, and we rode our bikes onto the trail and out into the woods.  We soon realized our bikes were not the best way to travel—too many big roots and rocks, too many twists and turns.  So, we got off our bikes and walked away from the trail and found a spot not easily seen from the trail and locked them to two trees.  We took our packs and returned to the trail.

We hiked for thirty minutes or so and only saw two people.  We met a young couple, a boy and a girl probably around 18 years old, about 15 minutes into our hike.  We asked them what was ahead.  They told us to be sure and find the big rock, said we couldn’t miss it.  We did find it.  And, it was big.  It jutted out over a big ravine that contained a million trees, all dressed out in their beautiful fall colors.  The rock was flat on top and a perfect spot to relax and take in unbelievable beauty from the valley below, outstretched as far as we could see all around us.

We spent time during our picnic lunch in early afternoon looking at our angel figures as I called them.  We adopted our own figure.  Always was Ellen’s—her first name is before mine in the alphabet—and Forever was mine. Of course, she had found Always, and I had found Forever, back at the antique store.  We started getting a little stiff and decided to walk around a little.  We left our packs on the big rock–Rock of Ages I had called it–which spawned questions from Ellen’s inquisitive mind. We grabbed Always and Forever as I told Ellen that ‘Rock of Ages’ was a popular gospel hymn that our church had sung regularly since I could remember, but that I didn’t know its history.

We walked eastward, I think, back towards where we believed the Falls to be. We walked around the bend of the mountain, staying close to the edge, being slow and careful not to slip over into the ravine that fell sharply to our right, probably down 200 or 300 feet.  We encountered a thicket of brush and briers among the trees.  We took our time, stopping every few minutes to look north to northeast.  At just the right time, with the trees acting as though they closed their branches just for us, we saw DeSoto Falls.  One of the most beautiful waterfalls I had ever seen.  Finally, the undergrowth just seemed to stop with the ground becoming virtually barren of vegetation, just large flat rocks with an overlay of sand. We saw the boulders ahead of us, acting as though they had been glued to the side of the mountain which, itself was gaining elevation as we approached.  

We had seemingly come to the end of this route.  The deep ravine was to our right and the big boulders in front of us kept us from making our way forward around the bend of the mountain’s brow.  

“Look here.”  Ellen said.  “I think we could sit down on the ledge and make our way around. We could at least try.”

“I’m game if you are.”

We sat down on a rocky ledge that was just wide enough to make you feel you weren’t going to lunge forward.  The ledge was like a lip on a face, but more inverted, a little ‘U’ shaped.  We started sliding our way around the ledge on the lip.  At one-point Ellen started bumping along, a kind of butt bumping.  We got so tickled we probably could have fallen.  The rocky lip continued around the bend probably 30 or more feet.  Finally, the rock lip turned rather sharply to our left and we were startled by what we saw—a cave opening. But, it wasn’t going to be easy to get to. The lip we were sitting on ended just a few feet from where Ellen was.  In making the sharp turn, we had turned back towards the mountain and away from the ravine. Below our feet now was a crevice, a very deep crevice, and a mountain of rocks continued as far as we could see.  There is a rock wall, probably 30 or 40 feet tall to our left slanting back, like it is leaning backwards. Also, there is a flat ledge, probably five feet wide, maybe fifteen-foot-long, right in front of it, with the cave opening right in the center of the backward leaning rock wall.  There is a big rock directly above the cave opening.  The two together looked like they were mounted on a human face, a rather large nose, resting above a somewhat sunken- in mouth. There is only one way to get over to the flat ledge and to the mouth of the cave.  We had to stand up and jump over the crevice.  The lucky part of all of this is the crevice isn’t wide, maybe two feet.  We knew we could easily clear this space.  Ellen would go first.  She could pull her right leg up under her to give her some leverage. Also, she could find hand holds, really holds for her hands, the inside next to her wrists.  Slowly but surely, she stood up and jumped onto the flat shelf, something like a big upper lip of my imaginary hominid.

I shouted out a big cheer for her.  She encouraged me and talked me through the right moves.  Soon, I was with Ellen on the other side of the crevice, on flat rock.  We both felt a lot safer.

We turned and looked out towards the ravine and there it was again, DeSoto Falls, and the big pool of water 100 feet below.  We took in the cool air almost feeling and tasting the mist from the crashing water.  We both looked at the Falls for a long time but remembered why we had jumped over here.  We turned back to the cave door and got down on all fours and crawled inside.  Once in, we could stand up.  The cave was maybe 8 to 10 feet across, and about that same depth. It really wasn’t much of a cave.  But, around to the left, bending around another nose-type rock, there was a little space, somewhat of a separate chamber. There was room for only one of us at a time to explore this. I went first. I had to again get down on my hands and knees and crawl back.  I moved forward another 6 or 8 feet and came to a rock just popping its head up out of the floor maybe two feet or so.  This rock was just big enough to stop me from continuing into the chamber.  With the flashlight on my phone I could see that the chamber continued, farther than I could see, but it got narrower and narrower the further back I could see.  I was at a stand-still.  I could sit up on my knees and reach over the protruding rock.  I had to lay face down over the rock to reach beyond it and down to where it came up out of the cave floor.  I used my hands to dig in the soft dirt, mostly sand and thumb-end size rocks.  I kept digging and then had an idea.  First, I crawled back out and had Ellen retrace my steps inside, on hands and knees, to this rock.

“Come back out, I have an idea.” I told Ellen.

“You may think I am crazy but hear me out.  Why don’t we go get the mahogany box that Always and Forever came in.  And, come back here and bury them over beyond that rock we just found back in that little chamber.  We could use that big zip lock bag we brought our lunch in.  Plastic doesn’t deteriorate.  We could then come back in a few years and reclaim our little angels.  This act would symbolize our love, with Always and Forever waiting here for us until we come back someday for a family reunion of sorts.  What do you think?”

“I love it.  I just think, I just know, there was a good reason we found our angels and this cave.  You have noticed it is rather remote, rather hard to find, to get to, haven’t you?”  Ellen said.

So, that’s what we did.  We butt-bumped our way back around the rocky lip, hiked back to Rock of Ages, grabbed the mahogany box and the zip-lock bag, and returned to our cave. And, just as we had discussed and agreed, we buried Always and Forever, behind the big rock that blocked the smaller chamber.  Burying our figurines, Always and Forever, was symbolic of us burying ourselves, not unto death, but unto life. Ellen’s life into mine, my life into hers.

Ellen did the burying.  She said she wanted to since she had found our angels first in the antique store.  She told me that I would be the one to uncover them when we returned—since I had thought of the idea to bury them.  

After Ellen had buried the box, we sat down outside the cave.  We sat immersed in a sea of beauty, an outstretched canvas filled with colors unmatched by man.  

“When should we come back?  I mean, come back for our special angels.” I asked.

“Here’s an idea, maybe a great one. We are here celebrating your 15th birthday.  Right?  So, why don’t we come back in 15 years.  That’s double your age, mine too basically, even though I am three months older than you.  And, more specifically, why don’t we set an exact date to return and recover our Always and Forever.  I suggest we do this on your 30th birthday, exactly 15 years from today.  What thinks you?” Ellen said.

“I think it is perfect.”  I said.

 So, it was settled.  Fifteen years from today we would return and recover Always and Forever and reunite them with us.

We slowly made our way back to our rock, grabbed our backpacks, hiked to our bikes, and rode to Mentone, speaking few words, but connecting our hearts ever the deeper with smiles and sweet finger-tip touches, as we glided side-by-side along a red and orange, and yellow and purple path.

By the time we returned to the Inn, Ellen and I were both exhausted, not so much physically, but mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.  We stripped down and dove into bed, both asleep before the end of a sweet kiss.  We could have slept all evening and night, but we would get up, shower, and dress out in our formal finest.  There is no way we would miss Saturday night dinner at Mountain Laurel Inn. It was included in the price, which was nice, but it was an opportunity for us to experience and share our love in a classier setting. For two north Alabama girls (assuming Ellen has completely shed all her Chicago), our only knowledge of fine-dining was from Mom’s attempt to teach us how to properly set the dining room table, with all her fine china as she called it, in preparation for special dinners.

Formal dining in a mountain village bed & breakfast did not appeal to us.  We made it through the meal and hurried back to our room, stripping down again, and lay in bed watching a love story on Ellen’s iPad.

We fell asleep before the end of the movie and awoke just with enough time to shower and grab a sausage biscuit before Mr. and Mrs.

Ayers arrived to pick us up.

The ride home was filled with silence as Ellen and I sat in the back seat exchanging glances and smiles.  The clear and crisp dialog between my mind and my heart sounded like soft thunder and sweet lightning as I sat knowing that this weekend had changed my life for always, and forever.

God and Girl is my first novel, written in 2015. I'll post it, a chapter a day, over the next few weeks.

Dad’s “Take a Stand” march is today.  He has been working on it for weeks and has over 40 churches signed up to participate.  Early on, I promised Dad I would walk with him, be by his side.

Dad had intended the march to take two days, starting in Boaz and walking north on Highway 431 all the way through Guntersville and across the Big River Bridge.  But local law enforcement, with guidance from the local circuit court judge, just wouldn’t allow it.  They said it was not a reasonable exercise of our First Amendment right, that it was a substantial interference with others’ rights to move about freely, or something along those lines.  Dad finally acquiesced and agreed to a march across the Big River Bridge from the south end of Guntersville.  

Over 600 people participated in the march, most everybody carried a “Take a Stand” sign. I walked besides Dad and we talked about the importance of being grounded in our beliefs and being willing to stand up and speak out to show the world who we really are.

The road to the bridge was not flat.  It was an uphill climb the whole way.  Even the long bridge was more of a semi-flattened oval.  It was not until we reached the center of the bridge that we saw a sea of rainbow clothed people standing at the bottom of the bridge, where the bridge ended, and the highway continued towards Huntsville.  There seemed to be about twice as many of them as there were of us.  And, they also were carrying signs: “Stand for Love.”  I was happy they were not carrying and holding sticks and stones, but I was still scared.

Dad and I were leading our group.  We stopped in our tracks the moment we saw our opposition and felt a confrontation would be the natural thing to happen if we walked right up into their faces.

After what seemed like hours—it was just a few minutes—two women from their group started walking towards us.  Dad turned to his followers and said, “stay here for now.”  He turned again and started walking towards the two women.  I hesitated a few seconds but jogged quickly to catch up.  “I don’t have a clue what is about to happen but I’m glad you’re with me.” Dad said.

Soon we were standing right in front of them, out in the middle of the bridge, the sky bright blue, not a cloud anywhere in sight. “Hello, I’m Ann and this is Gina.  I assume you are Joseph Brown.”

“I am, and this is my daughter Ruthie.  Nice to meet you.  I think.” Dad said.

“Please know we come in peace.  We have no intentions of harming anyone, or of causing any type of ruckus.  But, we would like to have a polite and respectful discussion.”  Ann said.

“Okay.  I don’t see the harm in that.  Maybe it would be fruitful for all. How do you want to do this?”  Dad said.

“I suggest we all move in closer together.  And all sit down.  We can leave thirty feet or so of space between our two groups.  Enough space for a group representative to stand and walk around a little if she or he wishes.  I will speak for our group and I assume you will speak for yours. 

Okay?”  Ann said.

“Sounds like a workable plan.  I’ll go tell our group what is happening and we’ll all come back and sit down.  Dad and I walked back up the bridge to our group.  He shared what was going on and asked everyone to pile their signs over by the side of the bridge and to come sit down.  He encouraged them to let him do the talking.

After everyone had gathered around as agreed, Dad said it seemed right for Ann to go first. “Ladies first,” he said.

Ann got on her feet as Dad and I sat down.

“Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you here on this beautiful autumn day.  I believe it is a positive testimony to the beauty of humankind for what we have just accomplished here.  We all came in peace and sat down in peace and agree to listen to others who have different feelings and beliefs.

Some of us are Christians, some of us are simply spiritualists, some of us are atheists, some of us are agnostics, and some of us are unsure what we are when it comes to God and religion.  But, for sure, we are all humans. We want what all Americans want—to be safe, to have a roof over our heads, food on our tables, to have a family, to have love, to be in love, to live with purpose, and to contribute to the betterment of society.  We believe in treating our fellow man like we want to be treated.

I suspect you, Mr. Brown, and your entire group want pretty much the same things.  Of course, we have differences, or we would not be here today out on this bridge.  Some of us in my group believe that we were born as homosexuals, with a sexual orientation attracting us to a person of the same gender.  Of course, you and your group do not believe this.  Which is fine.

The only goal I have in my talk, the only goal we have in our group coming out here today, is to politely, respectfully, ask you and your group to consider us as equals, to give us the opportunity to live and work together to make our America a better place for all.  To join hands and fight poverty and hunger and homelessness, real life-threatening issues.  

We respect your beliefs and will fight to give you the right to hold onto your beliefs.  However, we must be clear. We believe in the rule of law, that the U.S. Supreme Court has spoken.  We believe we now have just as much legal right as you do to marry who we want.  We don’t want war.  We want peace.  Further, we know we must be willing to do much more than many other groups have had to do to earn your trust.  We intend to do that.  We simply ask you to treat us with real respect.  That, will get you much more than your condemnation.”  Ann said.

It was Dad’s turn.  Ann sat down, and Dad stood up.

“Thank you Ann for being so clear.  I appreciate what you have just said.  We do respect homosexuals as humans.  We wish no ill will on any of you.  We recognize that we all, your group and mine, are humans.  But, we can look back on history and see that not all human conduct is beneficial to society.  Please know that I mean no disrespect when I say that slavery was not a good thing—it produced untold suffering for America and the world.  The same can be said for Hitler and Nazism.  Again, please don’t think I am saying that homosexuality is just like slavery or Nazism.  However, I must be direct.  Our nation was founded on Christian principles, and the Bible is our clearest and best source for those principles.  The Bible is clear that homosexuality is a sin.  This same Bible says that all sin disrespects God and has consequences—the ‘wages of sin is death,’ it says in Romans 6:23.  If this is true, then it doesn’t matter in the end whether our U.S. Supreme Court has blessed homosexual marriage or not.  Even more to the point, if homosexuality is a sin as it says in the Bible, in the end it really won’t matter what we do from a church’s standpoint—the natural consequences will follow. And, they will not be good.

I am not saying that there is no legal right in this country for gays to marry.  Clearly, the Court has ruled on this and it is the law of the land.  I am not like some who say that the Court cannot make law, that it is just the opinion of five justices-lawyers, one politician calls them.

We always want peace.  We want and need friends.  But, when the Court approves of sin as a constitutional right, then what starts off as public policy enters our churches and one law leads to another.  Our stand here today is not a stand against you. It is a stand for our beliefs, a stand for Christian marriage, a stand for the institution that God created, that of marriage between one man and one woman.  Like you, we have a right to stand up and speak out.  We cannot, we will not, be swayed from our Biblical beliefs.  We will stand up for religious freedom.

I know it may seem hollow, but I do love you Ann and every one of you.  I do believe all of us have a responsibility to take care of the poor, the hungry, and the homeless.  I am happy you agree.  I am joyed by that fact.

Thank you all for coming today.  I hope you have felt welcome.  You are welcome to come to any of the 40 churches or so that are represented here today by our group.  Each one of us will do our best to make you feel welcome.” Dad said.

Ann and Dad shook hands again.  Nothing scary or violent took place, although I heard a few of Ann’s group say they heard nothing new, that homosexuals were as bad as slavery and Nazism, and needed to be exterminated.  Our group walked slowly and quietly back to our cars parked on the south end of the bridge.  

Very little was said on the way home. For some reason, all I could think of was writing a poem about the Bible and homosexuality.  I felt I could make some connections that would give me, and maybe even Dad, reason to think outside the narrow lines, lines that he and the other pastors who marched today would likely die to protect.