"Morning Mental Meanderings" is a daily practice of intellectual curiosity, self-examination, and open dialogue, all through the lens of my unique perspective and life experiences. It's an invitation to readers to start their day with a moment of thoughtful consideration and to embrace a lifestyle of creativity, imagination, continuous learning, and questioning.
Pausing to Find Purpose
In the early solitude of the Pencil Pit, my barn converted into a sanctuary for thought, I sit engulfed by a profound existential questioning. The morning light seems to cast longer shadows today, as I grapple with doubts that feel heavier than usual. “Why am I doing this?” The question resonates in the stillness, each word heavy with uncertainty.
Here I am, pencil poised, yet today the motivation to post on my blog eludes me. “Who cares if I post anything?” The thought lingers, unsettling the comfortable rhythm of my daily routine. “What am I achieving except perhaps wasting time?” This query, challenging the very essence of my actions, casts a shadow of doubt over my checklists, the very symbols of my lifelong pursuit of goals and purpose.
The thought of shutting down my website, of stepping away from my usual endeavors, suddenly doesn’t seem so far-fetched. It feels almost liberating – a release from the self-imposed shackles of constant productivity. “Why, why, why?” The question echoes, not seeking immediate answers but inviting a deeper introspection.
In this moment of doubt, I realize that perhaps it’s time for a pause. Creativity isn’t always about producing; sometimes it’s about stepping back, reevaluating, and finding new inspiration. The questions looming over me – “Am I helping anyone? Am I helping myself?” – demand more than a cursory consideration.
So, today, I make a decision that feels both difficult and necessary: to stop posting, at least for today, maybe for a few days, or perhaps forever. This pause is not an admission of defeat but an act of self-reflection, a necessary interlude to reassess my motivations and goals.
Who’s right and who’s wrong in this internal debate is no longer the focus. What matters now is giving myself the space to contemplate, away from the routine of posting and the relentless pursuit of goals. It’s in this space that I hope to find clarity, to rediscover the joy and purpose in my creative endeavors.
As I sit here in the Pencil Pit, I am reminded that creativity is not just a constant outpouring but also an ebb and flow. It requires moments of quiet, of stillness, where one can listen to the whispers of one’s own heart.
Today, and perhaps for some days to come, I will embrace this pause, this moment of stillness. It’s a time to reflect, to question, and to seek the true essence of my creative spirit – a spirit that yearns not just to create, but to understand, to grow, and to find meaning in life’s journey.
The Pencil Driven Life 