God and Girl–Chapter 26

God and Girl is my first novel, written in 2015. I'll post it, a chapter a day, over the next few weeks.

The holidays came and went.  But, I kept on screaming, not every minute, but three or four times a day, like seasons of the year, my voice spewed a chorus against everyone and everything in my path, living or dead, but mostly against God.  I finally realized it was doing no good, especially my verbal anger against God; God couldn’t hear.  He was either non-existent, dead, or simply didn’t care.

As the cold and lifeless shouts of my mind fell silent, my heart grew still and heard the faint but undeniable whispers from Ellen’s beautiful lips.  Her words motivated me to return to my writing.  And, I kept on writing.  Unsurprisingly, poetry became my salvation, although sitting in front of the fireplace in the den didn’t hurt.  The burning wood allowed me frequent trips back to Mentone with Ellen sitting beside me in the yard of the Mountain Laurel Inn with Chaz and his band playing on the make-shift stage.  We held hands and fed each other sweet-potato pie, and laughed and danced and sang:

“Tonight’s the night and it feels so right

What my heart’s saying to me

You’re the one and I’ve waited so long

So, let your love flow through me

Oh baby ’cause it feels so good

We can be this close

You’ve got me up so high

I could fly coast to coast

Come on and touch me when we’re dancing

You know you’ve got that lovin’ touch

Oh, touch me when we’re dancing

I wanna feel you when I’m fallin’ in love.”

Those cold winter nights by the fire painted for me a portrait, one of Ellen and me by the fire, and taught me that our imaginations were one of the most powerful forces in the universe.  This portrait and its eternal chemistry with poetry were my true salvation during the darkest days of my life.

Another saving grace over the past several weeks had been my Dad, to my complete surprise.  I was not surprised by his sweet smiles, tender touch, and morning and evening ‘I love you.’

No, it was our talks that fed me, that nourished my soul when it was already dead from starvation. It all started with him listening to me.  He gave me the freedom to speak my heart and mind.  He encouraged me too.  He never condemned.  He never judged, even after I had laid out a detailed outline of my thoughts, I HATE GOD FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO ME, and I DOUBT THERE EVEN IS A GOD.  Of

course, my rationality was suffering right along with my faith.  Most days I made no sense at all, I’m sure, but Dad listened and, slowly, started to talk with me.

One day, I think it was in late January or early February, Dad came after supper and knocked on my door.  It was already late, but he wanted to talk, even asked me for my thoughts. It was Saturday night and I felt it a little strange that he wouldn’t be headed to his study to complete his final preparations for Sunday’s sermon.  I just figured he needed to work on some guilt he was feeling for being away.  He had left the past Wednesday morning for a pastor’s conference in Nashville.  Mom told me later that he was in a cabin on Lindsey Lake in David Crockett State Park in Lawrenceburg, Tennessee. She said that Dad changed his mind as he was driving to Nashville and made his detour, saying that he needed a few days alone to think and make some sense out of his life.

I thought this was very odd for Dad, the man with the plan, the man with God’s plan.  As Dad sat down in Granny Brown’s rocking chair beside my bed, I told him I hoped he had a good time alone.  I told him I was proud that he had taken a little time for himself.

“Thanks honey.  The time was very rewarding.  The cold days out in the woods and by the lake killed off a lot of germs I have been unknowingly carrying around for quite some time.  The warm nights sitting alone by the fireplace resurrected buried feelings and beliefs that all men and women are on the same journey and that each of us have a responsibility to love and respect everyone, never judging, and always offering that cool drink of water.”  Dad said.

“Sounds like fireplaces have a way of transporting us to truth, reality, things that really matter.” I said.

“You are absolutely right.  Honey, I wanted you to be the second person to know that I have decided to resign as pastor of First Baptist Church.  When I was leaving my cabin, I called your Mom and told her.  It was a long phone call.  We talked nearly the entire time I was driving back.  I made her promise she would not tell you.”  Dad said.

“Why Dad?  What is going on?  What is making you do this?” I asked.

“I, like you, am on a journey to truth.  I have spent the past several weeks questioning everything I believe.  I have read and researched widely, even pulling out a lot of my materials from seminary.  You may faint when I tell you this, because it is unlike anything you have ever heard from my mouth.  I no longer believe the Bible is without error.  In fact, I believe it contains a lot of errors.

For example.  In the King James Version, Daniel 3:25 should read “a son of the gods” and not “the Son of God.”  Obviously, inserted to promote Jesus and Christianity.  First John 5:7-8 is clearly man-made. Pressure from the Catholic church caused Erasmus to add this Trinitarian formula (“in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit, and these three are one. And there are three that testify on earth”). 

Again, inserted to promote the trinity and Christianity.

And, a very big error is found in Mark.  The original ending was: “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.  And they went out and fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing.”  But, our church fathers didn’t like this ending because it said nothing about Jesus being seen after his resurrection. So, a human mind made up a new ending.  The King James editors included it in their Bible: 

“Now when he rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, from whom he had cast out seven demons. She went and told those who had been with him, as they mourned and wept. But when they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they would not believe it. After these things, he appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking into the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them.

Afterward he appeared to the eleven themselves as they were reclining at the table, and he rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen. And he said to them, ‘Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name, they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.’ So, then the Lord Jesus, after he had spoken to them, was taken up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God. And they went out and preached everywhere, while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by accompanying signs.”

There are hundreds more errors in the Bible, things that rational people cannot explain away, that all reasonable people would conclude are errors.  A lot of these errors I learned about in seminary, but of course the professors didn’t call them errors.  They always had a way to explain these ‘oddities’ that reconciled with the Bible as the Word of God.

I can no longer, in good conscience, stand before a congregation and proclaim that the Bible is God’s Word, Holy Word, without error.

If the Bible is untrue in some areas, why isn’t it untrue when it comes to homosexuality?  Since we know a man, a human mind, added his own words to Bible manuscripts, how do we know that a human didn’t write-in his own hatred for homosexuals?  Whether this happened or not, I have been wrong in my stance against homosexuality.  I now have proof, living proof, real evidence, of how wonderful and beautiful a relationship between two young ladies can be.  Honey, you and Ellen, unknowingly, were probably my greatest teachers.  It was your relationship that got me to thinking.  How can homosexuality be a sin if it produces such love, such caring, such joy, such peace, such real romance?

The Bible teaches that sin has awful consequences.  The Bible never teaches that sin produces such beauty and wonder. Of course, it argues that sin, for a season, seems fun, but that is irrelevant in our case.  I know beyond doubt that your love for Ellen and her love for you will last forever.

I’ve also been reading your book, Why Evolution is True, along with a ton of related articles.  I now know why you believe evolution is true.  It seems rather ignorant not to believe that it is the best, and only, reasonable explanation science has for all living things and all things that have died.

The Bible is supposed to lay out the creation story.  As you clearly know, Genesis says God created Adam and Eve in His image on day 6, instant creation.  But, you also know that this just isn’t true.  Man has evolved over millions of years, sharing a common ancestor with apes and chimps.

I simply can no longer preach with my head in the sand.  I can no longer deny the truth like, so many Christians are doing, including well-respected theologians, such as John K. Pullman.  In 2008, he wrote the forward to a book titled, ‘God or Science: Do We have a Choice?’ Pullman is clearly wrong when he says “evolution is a guess.  It is just a hypothesis.”  

His stock value drops to near zero for me with this statement.  He chooses to ignore 99% of all real scientists.  They would all say that “evolution is a fact.”  And they could point to mountains of evidence to SHOW it is true. 

Pullman also said, ‘the biblical narratives of creation don’t obviously say anything that bears one way or another on the question of whether the evolutionary hypothesis might be true or not.’

Pullman obviously ignores the plain reading of Genesis as it clearly describes God creating Adam and Eve on a certain day–the plain reading is that these are normal length days.  The Genesis creation story is directly opposed to evolution.  Genesis obviously has lots to say that relates directly to evolution.  Pullman also is ignorant when he labels evolution a hypothesis.  He doesn’t understand the scientific meaning of hypothesis.  Evolution was much closer to that status in Darwin’s day.  Today, 150 years after Darwin, it has leaped into fact status.  Most scientists would say that ‘evolution is a fact’ just like ‘gravity is a fact.’ 

Pullman is typical in that he totally ignores the reality of science.  He knows an honest investigation would reveal his Bible creation story is far, far from reality.  He realizes–though never openly admitting it–that his hypothesis that the Bible is true, totally true, is losing ground fast, that the hypothesis, in fact, is no longer a viable hypothesis.  The evidence is in, and it reveals that the hypothesis has been proven false.  It must therefore be abandoned.  Pullman will never do this.  He will continue to crawl to higher ground, ground that is forming a tall, tall point, with no plane to stand on, no flat ground to pitch a nice tent.  When he reaches the point, the peak of the mountain, he will have to admit, at least to himself, that there is no more higher ground.

Pullman’s ignorance, and his attitude towards his ignorance–and the many others similarly situated–is likely one of the main reasons younger generations are either abandoning the church/Bible, or not in any way drawn to or interested in it.  Their minds being shaped and formed the way they are–let’s just say, minds that are rational/reasonable–forbid them from adopting opposite positions on the same topic.  They realize there is simply too much evidence from science to conclude that evolution is simply a hypothesis, that the first man and woman were Adam and Eve, and that they were created, instantly, by a God, that is either powerless to help millions of suffering children in the world, or worse yet, a God that simply doesn’t care.

Again, I no longer can stand before our congregation and lie. 

But, I don’t want you to think I no longer believe in God or think the Bible isn’t a great work of literature.  I just know that I have miles and miles to go before I truly know God.  But, I believe there is truth to be found.” Dad said.

“What will you do Dad?  I mean after you resign?”  I said.

“I want to start a new church, for want of a better name.”  Dad said. “I want a place that welcomes all, no matter their beliefs, no matter their color, no matter their sexual orientation, no matter why they have been marginalized before.  I want a place where we celebrate life. Life is love, it is literature, it is poetry, it is the sun, moon and stars, it is rainbows and mountain streams.  Life is our imagination and our curiosity. It is my hope that my new ‘church’ will be a place that people find community, a place to gather with friends and family, a place to sing, a place to pray if that is what they want, a place to love and be loved, a place of acceptance, a place without judgment, a place to worship and serve the true and living God.”  Dad said.

“Wow, you truly are a radical dad.  A radical for truth and freedom, real religious freedom.  I love it and want to be a part of it.” I said.

“Of course, you can. You will be my top adviser.  I mean it.  Honey, thanks for listening and thanks even more for opening my eyes and triggering my curiosity and imagination.  You launched me onto a great adventure.  We can search together.”  Dad said.

Dad said good-night around 2:30 a.m.  Surprisingly, I felt sad.  Does Dad know what he is getting into?  He is a Southern Baptist pastor in the heart of the Bible belt, the infamous bigoted Alabama.  I’m afraid he is soon to find out what real Christian love is all about.

Sunday morning at 11:00 a.m. came quickly.  I was at home as I have been every Sunday since Ellen died.  I turned to our local TV station and sat by the fire.

Dad was bold and confident as he stood before a packed sanctuary.  He preached a sermon of love and forgiveness, acceptance without judgment, a message, humans of every color and creed, would enjoy, a message from humanity about humanity.  A short message and an even shorter resignation: “It is a great day when a man or a woman wakes up to new truths, a new life.  Real life means full agreement between inner beliefs and outer walk.  For over 15 years, I have had a real life with you and this church because I have walked a walk totally consistent with what I felt and believed in my mind and heart.  And now, I must begin a new journey, a new walk, because how I feel and what I believe have changed and therefore now conflict with what the Bible says and what most of you hold dear to your hearts. I consider you as an extension of my family, many of you are friends.  I love each one of you with all my heart. I want us to remain family and friends.  Separation from family and friends is never easy and always brings sadness.  And, it is with a heavy load of sadness that I resign as your pastor effective immediately.  May God’s blessings be on you.”

With that I turned off the TV.  That’s the way I wanted to remember Dad the last time he stood before the church that he had loved and led so courageously for over 15 years, my entire life.